Diet Weasel Sort*

“Surprised that Almodovar would make something so bizarre and kinky.” 

Actual line from Netflix review of The Skin I Live In, and most conclusive proof I’ve come across that most people who leave Netflix reviews really don’t have a clue about movies.

If I were an advocate of remaking films that are already good, I’d like to see Soderbergh remake The Skin I Live In with George Clooney and Olivia Wilde.

Just saying.

And now the big ‘uns.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

WOODY ALLEN, MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
JC CHANDOR, MARGIN CALL
ASGHAR FARHADI, A SEPARATION
MICHEL HAZANAVICIUS, THE ARTIST
KRISTEN WIIG AND ANNIE MUMOLO, BRIDESMAIDS

SHOULD WIN: It’s a bit of a thin category this year, so I can’t really say. Bridesmaids’ Original Screenplay nomination is like Little Miss Sunshine’s screenplay win: misplaced positive reinforcement. It’s good. But good isn’t great. What should have been nominated in Bridesmaids’ stead was Diablo Cody’s Young Adult, a script that makes good on Cody’s Oscar for the vastly overrated Juno. It’s a far better script and a far better film.

Also, as great a film as The Artist was, its story borrowed heavily from Singin’ in the Rain (and Anchorman, too, oddly), so the originality came from the execution of the story.

WILL WIN: I liked Midnight in Paris but for every great moment or line in it, there’s two where Owen Wilson is saying almost literally, “Wow! I can’t believe I’m sitting here with [insert name of artist alive in the 1920s]!” It’s second-tier Woody Allen, which is fine. It just doesn’t compare to the likes of Annie Hall or Manhattan. But it’s been 25 years since Woody’s won an Oscar, he’s the most nominated screenwriter and, let’s face it, this might be the last time he generates this much Oscar buzz. I think he’s going to get the win here. 

MIGHT WIN: If anything is going to beat it out, my money’s on A Separation.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

ALEXANDER PAYNE, NAT FAXON, JIM RASH, THE DESCENDANTS
JOHN LOGAN, HUGO
GEORGE CLOONEY, GRANT HESLOV, BEAU WILLIMON, THE IDES OF MARCH
AARON SORKIN, STEVEN ZAILLIAN, MONEYBALL
BRIDGET O’CONNOR, PETER STRAUGHAN, TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY

SHOULD WIN: Hugo, though Moneyball pulled off the miracle of making people who don’t give a shit about baseball give a shit about baseball. 

WILL WIN: The Descendants, which means we get to see Dean Pelton from Community give an Oscar acceptance speech.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

KENNETH BRANAGH, MY WEEK WITH MARILYN
JONAH HILL, MONEYBALL
NICK NOLTE, WARRIOR
CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER, BEGINNERS
MAX VON SYDOW, EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE

SHOULD WIN: I’ve only seen Moneyball of the nominees and, while Jonah Hill did fine work, he doesn’t stand a chance. A nomination for Andy Serkis and WETA for Rise of the Planet of the Apes would have been much more impressive.

WILL WIN: This one is tricky. Odds-on favorite is Plummer but Max von Sydow is a similarly regarded actor from the same generation, and who has only been nominated once before, despite a long career filled with impressive performances. There might be an upset, but I think Christopher Plummer will end up winning.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

BERENICE BEJO, THE ARTIST
JESSICA CHASTAIN, THE HELP
MELISSA MCCARTHY, BRIDESMAIDS
JANET MCTEER, ALBERT NOBBS
OCTAVIA SPENCER, THE HELP

SHOULD WIN: Everyone in The Help put in considerable work, but Octavia Spencer was the Kobe Bryant to Viola Davis’ Shaq. She deserves the win.

WILL WIN: Spencer. She made droves of middle-aged women laugh at someone eating shit. How can she not get an Oscar for it?

BEST ACTOR

DEMIAN BICHIR, A BETTER LIFE
GEORGE CLOONEY, THE DESCENDANTS
JEAN DUJARDIN, THE ARTIST
GARY OLDMAN, TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY
BRAD PITT, MONEYBALL

SHOULD WIN: I’ve only seen Moneyball and The Artist, and both Brad Pitt and Jean Dujardin do great work in it, for different reasons. It’s a tough call but I’m going with Jean Dujardin.

WILL WIN: Conventional wisdom is that it’s a race between Jean Dujardin and George Clooney. Dujardin won Best Actor at Cannes, but Clooney’s beloved in the Academy. The Artist has all the buzz, so I expect that Dujardin will pull it out.

BEST ACTRESS

GLENN CLOSE, ALBERT NOBBS
VIOLA DAVIS, THE HELP
ROONEY MARA, THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
MERYL STREEP, THE IRON LADY
MICHELLE WILLIAMS, MY WEEK WITH MARILYN

SHOULD WIN: I’ve only seen Viola Davis’ performance of the nominees here but what saved The Help from being completely unwatchable and embarrassing was the cast. Everyone did solid work and Davis was the head of the pack.

WILL WIN: This year is down to Viola Davis and Meryl Streep, and I’m putting my money down on Viola Davis to win.Meryl Streep is so talented that it’s become its own joke. She’s received more acting Oscar nominations than anyone in history and has never been accused of turning in a bad performance; even for Mamma Mia, she was knocked for her singing but not her acting. She is, for all intents and purposes, our greatest living actress, maybe even the greatest living actor regardless of gender. And I think all of that works against her. 

With only two Oscars under her belt, the last being for Sophie’s Choice in 1982, everyone seems to think that she has 20 Oscars at home and don’t even notice that she’s nominated anymore. But at this point in her career, being Meryl Streep is a greater honor than winning an Oscar so she really shouldn’t be sweating it.

BEST DIRECTOR

WOODY ALLEN, MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
MICHEL HAZANAVICIUS, THE ARTIST
TERRENCE MALICK, THE TREE OF LIFE
ALEXANDER PAYNE, THE DESCENDANTS
MARTIN SCORSESE, HUGO

SHOULD WIN: While Martin Scorsese went the furthest out of his comfort zone that he ever has and made his best film since Goodfellas, Terrence Malick has made an unparalleled masterpiece. 

WILL WIN: Michel Hazanavicius. Can’t really complain. 

BEST PICTURE

THE ARTIST
THE DESCENDANTS
EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE
HUGO
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
THE HELP
MONEYBALL
WAR HORSE
THE TREE OF LIFE

SHOULD WIN: The Tree of Lifeis everything I want out of a film: it’s gorgeous, challenging, mind-blowing, emotionally resonant, and made it impossible for me to do anything besides think about it for hours and days and weeks afterwards. Its closest cousin is, I’m going to say it, 2001: A Space Odyssey. And much like 2001, The Tree of Life is going to have sit for a few years before it finds its audience and its champions. 

WILL WIN: The Artist, basket full of puppies that it is. It’s not my favorite film of the race but it is irretrievably adorable and well-crafted. It’s an admirable choice for Best Picture, as there’s nothing below top-shelf about it. It’s just a really good film, which is what the Oscars are supposed to be about.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

A CAT IN PARIS
CHICO & RITA
KUNG FU PANDA 2
PUSS IN BOOTS
RANGO

SHOULD WIN: Only saw Rango, so…

WILL WIN: Rango, which is surprisingly pretty great. If someone told me a year ago that Chinatown would be remade as an animated Western populated by desert creatures, starring Johnny Depp as a lizard, and would win an Oscar for Animated Feature, I would have said… well, I would have said, “So I guess Cars 2 sucks as bad as I imagined.” 

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM OF THE YEAR

BULLHEAD (BELGIUM)
FOOTNOTE (ISRAEL)
IN DARKNESS (POLAND)
MONSIEUR LAZHAR (CANADA)
A SEPARATION (IRAN)

SHOULD WIN: I haven’t seen any of them.

WILL WIN: With few exceptions, such as the Amelie debacle of 2001, go with the Foreign Language film with the most buzz. A Separation.

ORIGINAL SCORE

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN, JOHN WILLIAMS
THE ARTIST, LUDOVIC BOURCE
HUGO, HOWARD SHORE
TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY, ALBERTO IGLESIAS
WAR HORSE, JOHN WILLIAMS

SHOULD WIN: The Artist. There was 90+ minutes of almost wall-to-wall music. The only people who did more work on a score this year were probably the unnominated Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

WILL WIN: Despite raping Kim Novak with its use of Bernard Hermann’s Vertigo score, I think The Artist will pull this one out.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

MAN OR MUPPET, THE MUPPETS; MUSIC AND LYRIC BY BRET MCKENZIE
REAL IN RIO, RIO; MUSIC BY SERGIO MENDES AND CARLINHOS BROWN, LYRIC BY SIEDAH GARRETT

SHOULD WIN: “Man or Muppet,” since the Academy saw fit to ignore all of Alex Turner’s great songs for Richard Ayoade’s Submarine.

WILL WIN: Probably “Man or Muppet,” unless the Academy finds it necessary to give Sergio Mendes some props.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION

THE ARTIST
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2
HUGO
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
WAR HORSE

SHOULD WIN: Hugo. Hands down. 

WILL WIN: I think The Artist will take it, though Hugo has a chance.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN

ANONYMOUS
THE ARTIST
HUGO
JANE EYRE
W.E.

SHOULD WIN: Hugo and The Artist did have great costumes.

WILL WIN: Hmmm… Hollywood in the 20s, Paris in the 30s, Britain in the 30s, 19th Century Britain, or 16th Century Britain? My guess is either Jane Eyre or Anonymous. Gun to my head: Jane Eyre.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP

ALBERT NOBBS
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2
THE IRON LADY

WILL WIN: Guessing The Iron Lady. It can’t be that easy to make Meryl Streep look like Margaret Thatcher.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY

THE ARTIST
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
HUGO
THE TREE OF LIFE
WAR HORSE

SHOULD WIN: The Tree of Life. Cinematographer extraordinaire Emmanuel Lubezki lost this award for his brilliant work on Children of Men, and even detractors of The Tree of Life have agreed that the cinematography is exquisite. Though I’d be almost as happy to see Robert Richardson win for his gorgeous 3D work on Hugo.

WILL WIN: The Tree of Life. There’s no denying how beautiful the film looks.

MIGHT WIN: The Artist’s black-and-white photography is definitely deserving and if the Academy wants it to sweep, they’ll give it everything, including this.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING

THE ARTIST
THE DESCENDANTS
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
HUGO
MONEYBALL

SHOULD WIN: Hugo. Thelma Schoonmaker is one of the masters of film editing.

WILL WIN: Since Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall, the editors of Dragon Tattoo, won last year for Fincher’s The Social Network, and Thelma Schoonmaker has won three Editing Oscars already, I’m betting on The Artist. Pacing counts for even more when you don’t have dialogue to fall back on.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING

DRIVE
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
HUGO
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
WAR HORSE

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
HUGO
MONEYBALL
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
WAR HORSE

WILL WIN: Probably Transformers for both. Michael Bay likes his VROOM VROOM and BOOM BOOM sounds to be just right in his movies. Certainly more so than dialogue or basic story.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2
HUGO
REAL STEEL
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON

SHOULD WIN: Hugo was a storybook come to life and Harry Potter was no slouch either, but Rise of the Planet of the Apes gave us affecting performances from CGI characters. Although, I think Andy Serkis deserves to be nominated along with them but that’s a whole other story.

WILL WIN: Harry Potter.  

It’s that time again. Let me start with the ones I have no clue about.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

HELL AND BACK AGAIN
IF A TREE FALLS: A STORY OF THE EARTH LIBERATION FRONT
PARADISE LOST 3: PURGATORY
PINA
UNDEFEATED

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT

THE BARBER OF BIRMINGHAM: FOOT SOLDIER OF THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT?
GOD IS THE BIGGER ELVIS
INCIDENT IN NEW BAGHDAD
SAVING FACE
THE TSUNAMI AND THE CHERRY BLOSSOM

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM

DIMANCHE/SUNDAY
THE FANTASTIC FLYING BOOKS OF MR. MORRIS LESSMORE
LA LUNA
A MORNING STROLL
WILD LIFE

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM

PENTECOST
RAJU
THE SHORE
TIME FREAK
TUBA ATLANTIC

No clue who will win but lots of luck to them all.

The fact that Juliette Binoche didn’t get an Oscar nomination for Certified Copy is conclusive proof that the Academy has their heads up their asses and/or that there really were, for the first year ever, a ton of decent roles for women in films.

As a standalone story, Rise of the Planet of the Apes was pretty exciting.

Taken into the context of the Charlton Heston movie (as I deny all knowledge of the Tim Burton remake), I’m reminded of that Hannah Arendt quote: “The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution.” 

So the apes win… and evolve into Grade A douchebags. Huzzah.

Still, decent flick.